Letter to Max

Max,

It's 4:33 a.m as I'm typing this, like the insane insomniac I am.

I've been thinking lately, and I feel like I have to say my peace. I can't say that I'm not saddened by not having heard from you for such a long while. I am, but only slightly. The memories of you are fading as fast as the weather in Kansas changes. Before I enter the final step of my cleanse, I've been attempting to get rid of you for good, out of my life, at least. I've deleted all our pictures, all my drawings of you, for you. I've deleted our chats, and our connections.

and next I'm removing your e-mail address, from my contact list. In hopes that i'll never have the urge to connect with you ever again.

You hurt me. That's the bottom line. I know I was a horrible boyfriend, I only thought of myself for the most part. I wanted you to change your entire life to suit mine, that's selfish, I know. But then again, our entire relationship has been built around me pleasing you, hasn't it? I mean, I'm sure the only reason you spoke to me was because it was instant gratification for you, you loved talking to me; you loved the way I was interesting, and that broke up the monotony of your day.

You promised me you'd never hurt me. You blatantly broke that promise. Along with the others you have in the past too. I feel like a fool now when I think back on the times when I thought you would do anything for me. You obviously wouldn't. You're selfish, and despite me being the annoying, needy person I am, you gave nothing. You only took. You took and took and took, and you left me there thinking that you cared more than you did. I was just another number wasn't I? Just because you're attractive, you think you can treat people like dirt, and not consider anybody elses' feelings but yours.

I knew you were like that when I met you. I still have no idea why I fell in love with such a person.

I thought you were charming. I thought you would take care of me. I understood the situation you were in too. Don't get me wrong, I FULLY understood how hard your life was. A dying mother, an uncle that torments you? A life that was plagued with depression? I understand. But what I didn't understand was how you couldn't even change a single thing in your life for me. Everything you did, from beginning till end, I would have to put up with simply because I loved you. That's not how a relationship works, you argue, you compromise.

I didn't want you to change. I wanted you to compromise.

But even that you couldn't do.

I'm sure you're not even reading this. But if you have read it up to this point, you deserve applaud. Loving you was an act of vice. I shouldn't have been that weak. I shouldn't have given my heart out to someone that doesn't deserve, and didn't deserve it.

Unless you decide to change Max, you'll forever remain a child, not taking things seriously, and that, contrary to your belief, may be the thing that kills you. Not like you care much about your life, but it's an expression.

You have potential Max. As much of a dumb, chauvinistic, impossible person as you are. I see a glimmer of hope under that skin. I hope you find that potential someday and stop these games and finally truly commit to someone. Not ask them to marry you and leave them suspended in mid air, not knowing what the fuck you're trying to do.

Well. I think that sums up all I needed to say. It's the end of the road, I guess. No more waking up in the middle of the night, sweating, feeling alone. I know we've never slept together, but It has always felt like that for me.

I do hope I get a response from you, so I know that you've read this, atleast.

I wish you a good life, Max.

and a good spouse that'll take care of you, and love you as much as I did.

Your friend,

Ian.

Hi.

My name is Ian.

Introductions are always nice, aren't they? I don't care what world you're from, or whether or not you like the people you have newly met. But some part of you, assuming you're human, thrives on the idea of something new. You want it; You want to know everything about it. This, of course, only applies if you disregard your other humanistic tendency to lose interest in things.

I took away the blog I once had in place for a webcomic blog. But lately, I have been feeling a tad bit held back by life. I need somewhere to talk about those things. I need a place where I can be honest with every word I state.

So it shall be here.

Every word, honest to the depths of my soul. Or at least, honest to the point that I am able to not get into extreme danger.

Ian.